Patricia came over after work, I built her a fire, she ate my flatmates soup, checked out the flamage, then started complaining about some Bumble dude sending her unsolicited dckpics after three messages.
Patricia: Why do I always get these douche bags, why can’t I find a suave mthrfckr? Like, take me out. Feed me. Buy me a drink or two. Lie to me a little and then bam I might *verb*
Sprink: Let me see your profile pics PATRICIA WTF you look like a total A-hole. No one wants to date that person why are you trout pouting? You look high maintenance and..
Patricia: But I am high maintenance.
Sprink: You’re not. But you are. But you’re also nice, kind, thoughtful, funny and this makes you look like a total jerk.
Patricia: No FCK I look like a model, I’m cute AF.
She wasn’t.
So I made her pose like a casual kwain and then suddenly her new profile was epic.
Except for the last pic of her trout pouting, which she refused to part with (because she looks like a model guys)
Also sorry about the swears, she grew up in Sydney.
