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Sunday, July 3, 2022

The Mean Streets of Collinghood


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Sprink was driving the backstreets to her co-working space, ready to play ping pong on astroturf… when she saw four guys gettin in biffos. ‘Twas 10:34am.

Sprink stopped the car “Oi WTF are you guys doing? STOP IT” she yelled out at the 4x 6ft2, hoodie-wearing bashers. “Go away this isn’t your business” Black Hoodie replied, quite politely, while Grey Hoodie kicked Green Hoodie in the guts, and Blue Hoodie ran away.

“Get fcked it IS my business I CAN SEE IT. This is bullsh*t – STOP IT” The Sprink – who often thinks she is a UFC fighter – got out of the car and bounded up to them all chest-out like an angry rooster, “Guys, this is so fcking lame I’m embarrassed for you for how unkewl you’re being.” Grey Hoodie kept bashing Green Hoodie who was back on his feet and fighting him off. Black Hoodie came up to The Sprink. “Just keep going this isn’t your business”. 

“Bro fighting is lame AF – I’m calling the cops.” Sprink got out her phone.
“Don’t call the cops lady” said Black Hoodie, stepping closer… TF did you just call me?

“I’m not a lady I’m a vibe – Green Hoodie get in the car” so he did and they drove off and called the cops. Green Hoodie was full of adrenalin, had a bad lip and was close to tears but mostly mad cos they’d stolen his iPhone which had music on it he had been writing. “Like Afrobeats?” Sprink asked. “Nah like – hip hop trap music”. 

20min later they were both giving statements at the site of said bashing. The cops were kewl as, and Sprink heard stories of murders, murders and like.. murders. When it was all done, The Sprink gave Green Hoodie a hug and walked back to her co-working space to get beaten by Stu in ping pong. F*cking Stu, am I right?

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