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By Sam The Social Media Guy

The parentals came for the weekend from Tassie. Every time they’re in town I feel an intense amount of pressure to take them somewhere kewl for some Melbourne-only #foodandwine and #culture. No sweat, right? WRONG… they’ll only go as far as the free tram zone, aka CBD cos no one goes to the Docklands (except for *my future husband* Joel Creasey, he lives there. R A N D O M. Like ur famous?? Live somewhere not gross).

So, holy Britney, where does one take two fifty year olds who have money, will only walk three blocks from their hotel, love white-people food, and only drink rosé? A: S.P.Q.R Pizzeria. It has the trifecta: non-threatening cuisine, nice frandly vibes and a sweet inner-city laneway locash. The margarita’s were ‘the fanciest ones’ they’d had, and the (Tassie) rosé they’d ordered gave them a newfound confidence, which was handy, because White Night was on, and they could only have handled it full-crunk.

Like 16yr olds on their first NYE at Sorrento foreshore, they were giggling their way through the crowd. We headed to the REB where they lost their minds at the fire dragon thing, and when a drunk teen started singing “Highway to Hell” in our faces I realised it was past my bedtime (10pm, I am 80) and I left Ma and Pa to struggle with their no-longer-convenient inner city hotel. #fullcirclestory

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