For all those of you who, like me, didn’t qualify for the Paris Olympics and are instead sitting at home scrolling through your Facebook stream, the Facebook Administration has kindly created Facebook Olympics that you can participate in and set records in. These are the events in it. Choose whichever event and as many events as you like to participate in:
1) A contest to determine who can scroll through the furthest distance on their Facebook stream within a set time of 1 minute.
2) A contest to determine who will take the shortest time to scroll through 100 meters of their Facebook stream.
3) A contest to determine who can “like” the most number of posts within 5 minutes.
4) A contest to determine who can post the most number of selfies on their Facebook Wall within 10 minutes.
5) A contest to determine who can post the shallowest and most trivial post about themselves and their lives on their Facebook Wall within 2 minutes.
6) A contest to determine who can share the most number of posts within 5 minutes, with friends who didn’t ask to have those posts shared with them.
7) A contest to determine who can send the most number of deeply personal messages within 10 minutes, to Facebook friends that they never have met or communicated with before.
8 ) A contest to determine who can send the most number of friend requests to total strangers within 2 minutes.
9) A contest to determine who can be unfriended by the most number of people within 10 minutes.
10) A contest to determine who will have the most number of their friend requests declined within 5 minutes.
11) A contest to determine who can post the most number of witty comments on other people’s posts within 5 minutes.
12) A contest to determine who can post the most number of controversial posts on their Facebook Wall within 2 minutes.
13) A contest to determine who can obtain the most number of “likes” and comments on their post within 10 minutes.
14) A contest to determine who can post the most number of humble-brag posts on their Facebook Wall within 5 minutes, i.e. a post that is disguised as a humble statement of fact about themselves, but is actually ego-stroking and self-promoting bragging.
15) An endurance event, similar to the Olympic marathon, to determine who can keep scrolling through their Facebook stream for the longest time, without stopping and without taking any toilet breaks.
16) A contest to determine who can offend the most number of people with a single post within 1 minute.
17) A contest to determine who can offend the most number of people with a single comment within 1 minute.
18 ) A contest to determine who can post the most number of photos of their breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner and supper within 2 minutes.
19) A contest to determine who can create the most number of events within 5 minutes to which no one turns up.
20) A contest to determine who can invite the most number of people to their event within 1 minute.
https://www.facebook.com/events/2841070549403767/