23 – 25 Feb

Prosecco Festival @ Melb (25 Feb) – white scarves, beige shrugs, tight plack pants and blow waves.
Australian Beach Games @ Lakes Entrance (23 – 25 Feb) – if it were 2008 I would say ‘beached as bro’ but for 2018 I’m going with..  I’M A VEGAN.
Beautiful: Carole King The Musical @ Arts Centre (til 2 June) – starring the pipes that starred in King Kong The Musical when it was in town for 4.5 seconds
Superbike World Champion @ Phillip Island (23 – 25 Feb) – or Superbloke. Or Superboags. Or just like.. super not my thing. Also Liam Hemsworth.
Melbourne Music Bus Tour @ Arts Centre (24 Feb – June) – I was on the tram this morning and some dude got on blaring Bette Midler #truetramtales
Better Wetter @ Northcote (24 Feb) – feta. That’s what they’re talking about right?
Bright and Sandy @ Brighton (24 Feb) – or tall and shady like Troy #MAFS
Transition Film Festival @ Carlton (23 Feb – 9 Mar) – always in.
Eltham Jazz Festival @ derr (24 – 25 Feb) – pottery, gum leaves, Monsalvat, and now jazz. It’s the new New York.
Japanese Summer Festival @ Fed Sq (25 Feb) – dishin out the dirty undies in Fed Sq like it’s something unusual.
Viva Brazil @ QVM ( 24 – 25 Feb) – oh how I would.
Cinema @ The ‘G (23 – 24 Feb) – C at the G could be U there with M… e

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CAE in the city

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Bianca – second row

This is B. She has a pop culture blog, fashion podcast, a digital agency, eight Instagram accounts and is a fashion columnist, podcaster, travel writer and food and bar reviewer.

So, your entire world is imaginary?
Basically. I am all code in a computer. If the net goes down, I’m done.

Why aren’t you allowed in The Second Row?
A while ago, an Age writer said that bloggers only belong in the second row at events. We got into to a spat about it over socials #bloggergate so I made it my Instagram handle. Now, if I’m in the front row at events, all the other bloggers tell me I’m off-brand.

Weirdest places you’ve gone to while being a travel writer?

  • Floyd’s Pelican Bar in Jamaica: a driftwood bar in the middle of the ocean a guy built cos he had a dream one night. Everyone on it is baked.
  • Baby snake photography in Indonesia: human babies are taken to a natural cave to have a snake wrapped around them. Like baby- snake photo booth in a cave. No adults allowed.
  • Viking World in Dublin was weird: the shittiest plastic Viking museum where you can pose with fake Viking people.
  • Palmersaurus; Clive Palmer’s robotic dinosaur park in Queensland
  • Sound Fantastic World in Shanghai: most bizarre experience I️ can’t explain it
  • The Rainbow Temple in Vietnam: a temple that embraces every type of religion. Each monk chooses a  religion to study and wears the colour for it at their ceremonies, resulting in a human rainbow. We could learn a lot from these dudes.

Why did you decide to start The Fashion Podcast?
I wanted to hear one that was light-hearted and easy to listen to but everything out there was too serious. So I made my own. Each month I chat to a new guest about fashion pop culture eg:

  • the worst trends going at the moment
  • if runway fashion has just become click bait
  • Balenciaga’s  $2000 IKEA bag
  • Who is the better fashion mogul Kylie or Kim (A: Kylie)?

I do it on zero dollaz and while the quality ain’t brillo, I think the content is. It is usually Top 5 on iTunes Charts, and once it beat Vogue’s!

I know you love trolls – but you clearly have no regard for your life. You took on Beyoncé’s style.
I don’t dig her style at all! For eight years I only critiqued badly-dressed white girls, and the second I say boo about Beyonce I’m suddenly called racist. I got trolled HARD. But it’s kewl.. it just means people are reading my stuff so, the more the merrier. I️ like that people care enough to troll me. Engagement is engagement – it pushes my stuff into more feeds.

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Good Muslim Bae

Good Muslim Boy @ Malthouse

Good Muslim Boy @ Malthouse

First and foremost, anyone who can rock a Ken Done knit but still look fit AF deserves to be King/Kween of Moomba. Osamah Sami aka Mad Thread Bae wrote this book-turned-play about the time he went on hols to Iran with his dad who died while they were there. It’s raw, gripping, tragic and frustrating, but it’s not all tears – fave scene saw Thread Bae being dragged into the dunny with a hunny at Revolver, which surprisingly, I’ve never seen on stage before (only IRL).
Bae proves himself a triple threat by keeping it together onstage, as he relives losing a parent infront of an audience of strangers, night after night… but also manages to tease out laughs like an 80s perm.
GMB was moving, the performance a slam dunk, the Revolver scene, Oscar-worthy. I give it 5 knits.


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16 – 18 Feb

From the gang at The Sprinkler, we wish you a ripper VDay. Please accept our Rose with love, and know that you’ve never looked hotter than you do right now….
From the gang at The Sprinkler, we wish you a ripper VDay. Please accept our Rose with love, and know that you’ve never looked hotter than you do right now….

Seymour Farming Expo @ Seymour (16 – 18 Feb) – chomp on the crickets they are flying in from Perth, while you watch the pig racing. We have 2 x 2 tickets to give away – if you want them, holla at The Sprink

Riverboats Music Festival @ Echuca (16 – 18 Feb) – I washed a pair of scissors in the dishwasher yesterday. Is that normal?
Good Muslim Boy @ Malthouse (9 Feb – 11 Mar) – more like Good Muslim Bae
Puppies and Pinot @ Ascot Vale (17 Feb) – literally the only reason to go to Ascot Vale
Picnic @ Hanging Rock (17 Feb) – dress in ye olde duds, and relive the rocky horror
Alpine Summer Yoga Retreat @ Bright (16 – 18 Feb) – those alFINE feels
Apollo Bay Seafood Festival @ derr (16 – 18 Feb) – eat Nemo, Dori, Flounder and google another fish movie oh wait Wanda, as you sit back and admire the views of their former home
Chinese New Year @ Melbs (15 – 25 Feb) – keep your dogs locked up
Lunar Festival @ QVM @ QVM (18 Feb) – … or they might end up here. Guys, they actually do eat dogs in China. Don’t kill the messenger (unless it’s a dog. In China. Then add salt)
Ice Cream Festival @ Yarra Valley (14 – 25 Feb) – calling it a festival makes the ice-cream non-fattening so go forth and get three scoops you’re worth it
Supafish @ Southbank (meow – they stop it) – another floating bar. This one tho is by DJ Grant Smilie who once dated a Big Brother contestant and made out with a number of my friends at QBar back when it was the thing to do (my friends, that is)
White Night Melbourne @ Melb (17-18 Feb) – the best reason to get outta town this weekend lel
Great Australian Beer Festival @ Geelong (17 Feb) – there are never enough reasons to get drunk in Geelong.
Gilligan’s Island The Musical @ Chaps off Chaps (15 Feb – 14 Mar) – I had a crush on Gilligan when I was a kid, which could explain why I have to hire people to date me.
Maltese Fest @ Latrobe Valley (17 Feb) – who doesn’t want a tease a malt?
Dog Speed Dating @ Sth Yarra (17 Feb) – pull up a chair, look a puppy in the eyes, see if they are for you. Then marry them.
Sri Lankan Party @ Abbotsford Convent (18 Feb) – I googled ‘interesting facts about Sri Lanka’ and got this: One of the more racy facts about Sri Lanka is that the county searches Google for the word ‘sex’ more than any other country in the world.


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Aman – Black Holes

This is Aman. He is an optometrist from Oxford who has taught at multiple universities around the UK. But after a few years of that, he got a bit bored and decided to get a PhD in black holes

Honestly, how much of a nerd do you consider yourself to be?
I don’t think I am a nerd? I am an optometrist and a physicist though.

We don’t know what is in black holes, so how did you pass?
I passed because I didn’t study what was in them, but what their effects were on the universe. The title of it was ‘Constraints on the power spectrum of primordial perturbations from small scale structure”.

Please explain.
I was looking at how many black holes could have formed at the Big Bang at the start of the universe and used telescopic data to eliminate models of how the universe evolved. Think of it like this: if you throw a pebble in a pond, you can look at the ripples (perturbations), infer what they have passed through and how they evolved (power spectrum) from the start (primordial), to the edge of the pond. Probabilistically, of course – because we’ve never seen black holes which then sets an upper limit as to how many there could be.

Do you have a girlfriend?
Yes and I married her. She’s definitely more nerdy than me. She’s a rocket scientist running a demonstration program developing hybrid aircraft and rocket engines for hypersonic transport and space travel.

Kewlest thing about optometry?
Changing lives. I volunteered in Ghana and Zambia providing free eye tests and glasses to thousands. I gave glasses to a nearly blind school-bus driver who kept crashing and didn’t know why – he didn’t realise he couldn’t see. I also gave glasses to orphans who had been abandoned because they were ‘blind’. They put on glasses, and wouldn’t stop hugging and thanking me, they were so happy.

You are 100% kewl AF Aman.
Thanks. I also made a baby, that is another kewl thing. And last year I won a men’s gingerbread baking competition in the local village. I was really proud of that.

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Dan The Sketch Guy says:

This is St Mick’s church up on the corner of Collins and Russell. Its a stunner even though some bits got chopped off back in the day to pay for court cases or hit men or shandies for the vicar. I have never been inside but I would be up that bell tower in a gopher’s sneeze.

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Bowery To Williamsburg

Bowery 2 Williamsburg @ Oliver Lane

By Sam The Social Media Guy

Okokok so I promise I’m keeping calm, but holy sweet mother of Delta I’ve found a new locash and I’m obsessed. My home gurl and I were en route to the city on a Saturday morning (vom) so I could buy some new sunnies (ps I’m looking phresh af now) and we wanted food but didn’t feel like going to the usual suspects. We googled “city brunch” cos we original. This place came up, after a quick Goog/social stalk I knew we’d struck gold. We arrived blah blah sat down blah blah then ORDERED. The menu is VVNYC ~obviously~ (did u read the name??). I got a Ruben macNcheese and pickles because I’m basic and <3 bagels. Ma gurl got a turkey BLT. It was all amaze. The staff were fun to be around (i got real sweaty by one guy) and the bill was v low.

Next time ur in the city and are walking around thinking “what has my life become?” go to this place and re-live that one time you went to NYC and became obsessed with #wanderlust.

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Dan The Sketch Guy: This is the Queen Bess Row building in East Melbourne – one of the enormous, beautiful buildings of Melbs.

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9 – 11 Feb

Gaytime Festival @ Lake Mountain (14-16 Feb) – bathe in chocolate, roll in nuts, be merry.
St Kilda Festival @ derr (11 Feb) – the annual migration of the bearded northerners, south of the river.
Riot @ Arts Centre (meow – 9 Feb) – drag, dance, circus, comedy. A night out with Hugh Jackman.
Lonsdale Street Greek Festival @ derrr (10 Feb) – just like a Greek in hospital, this will be fully sick maayte.
Peninsula Film Festival @ MP (9-11 Feb) – flicks about insulation pens
Port Fairy Jazz Festival @ PF (9-11 Feb) – portly fairies throw shade and jazz hands
The Classics: Broadway @ Malvern (10 Feb) – starring the one, the only, guy who rejected Sprink twice in one week
Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival @ the rat (8 – 11 Feb) – is that a hot-rod in your pants or are you just.. IDK, like from Ballarat?
Barefoot Cinema @ Rippon Lea (1 – 16 Feb) – not a Barefoot Investor book club meet.
Festival of the Photocopier Zine Fair @ Melb (11 Feb) – yep, copy that.
The Great Local Lunch @ Birrarung Marr (11 Feb) – dining with people you would normally ignore IRL
The Alone Experience @ (14 – 18 Feb) – so .. Netflix and chill for one?
Geelong Rainbow Parade @ GTown (11 Feb) – stragglers from Rainbow Festival awake by the bae. I mean bay.

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