I feel this is one of the most important blogs I’ve written. Hope you read and share. It could literally be a life-changer!
The Top 5 Regrets of Dying People And How To Avoid Them
Je ne regrette rien the French songstress Edith Piaf famously crooned. Problem is, most people do not regret nothing, they regret a lot. And our regrets often become most vivid and painful at the end of our lives. In her book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware gives us her perspective on what those about to vacate the physical body tend to wish they had done differently.
You might notice these regrets do not include ‘I wish I had made more money, owned more property, had more power over other people and been adored by the masses’. The top 5 regrets point to what is ultimately deeply rewarding on our life journey and they are issues we can all do something about in this present moment.
In Ware’s experience the top five regrets of people facing death are:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
When I read through this list it strikes me what a powerful strategy adopting “the luminous lifestyle” is for avoiding dropping off the mortal twig burdened with these all too common regrets. Let’s take a closer look at these regrets and how what I call the four fires of the luminous life – joy, purpose, creativity and connection – can prevent us falling prey to them.
Regret 1: I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
Luminous Solution: Living the luminous life is about being your authentic self. Every person feels more joy when they say – hey, this is who I am, these are my dreams and even if you think I’m crazy I’m going for them. Through humour and laughter especially we are able to express this declaration of intent in ways that make us feel strong and create less resistance in others.
Regret 2: I wish I didn’t work so hard.
Luminous Solution: Creativity turns work into play. With this approach our profession becomes a vehicle for sharing our unique gifts and enables us to move from having a job to having a calling. By having a conscious purpose in all areas of life we create balance, giving us perspective and clarity on the need to harmonise work, relationships and personal growth.
Regret 3: I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Luminous Solution: We are creatures of feeling and by expressing those feelings we feel connection. If we have nurtured abiding joy within our being then we have the ability to laugh at ourselves and our problems when appropriate and this fosters resilience. From that place of strength we become more confident about expressing our feelings without the fears and reservations that often inhibit us. We reveal our inner selves and reap the rewards of emotional freedom.
Regret 4: I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Luminous Solution: Connection is critical to our wellbeing, in fact neuroscience tells us we’re hardwired for it. If we create friendships that are characterised by humour and joy our brains and bodies will crave the delightful biochemical changes produced by laughter that can bond us forever. As comedian Victor Borge said “laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”
Regret 5: I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Luminous Solution: I find this regret the most poignant of all. The realisation that we were the obstacle to our own happiness can be tough to face. But this regret contains the key to its own prevention. It is us, you and I, who ultimately determine our level of happiness. If we are to find luminosity we must cultivate it by tending to the fires of joy, purpose, creativity and connection. The power is in our own hands.
It’s so important to realise that living a luminous life isn’t about being boringly ernest and solemn. Quite the opposite. In her book Ware describes those who face dying and have deep regret about their eroded experience of joy and joviality; “deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
So what about you and me? Whatever age we may be we can’t be sure how much life we have left. Of course, most of us certainly hope we live into our twilight years.
What sort of person will we be then? Will we look back with profound happiness and satisfaction at a life where we expressed who we truly are through joy, purpose, creativity and connection? Or will we regret never having fully enjoyed the benefits and blessings of the luminous life?
The time to decide what our answers will be is right now!
Love to hear your thoughts on this topic. And please view the latest Luminous Tree blogs and check out the Luminous Tree Website
yours brightly, Anthony
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