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Monday, May 23, 2022

24 – 26 March

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Maddawgs of Melbourne

This is Di. She is straighty one-eighty 9-5 but on the weekend and after werk, she is, by all accounts, a rat bag party animal. You can find her touring manufacturing plants trying to work out policy reforms by day.. and downing champers* in the VIP room at the opening of VAMFF  by night, rockin those nudie shoulders like the glamour that she be.
Despite being a party rat, Di has spent the majority of her career werking hard and doing the good things for Victoria. One of her fave jobs was when she was the marketing manager at the Melbourne Zoo, where she met her boo and..
Woah woah you had me at zoo. Tell me an animal story.
My favourite boots were ruined once when a highly endangered, miniature giraffe sprayed on them.
And another.
I once relocated the entire meerkat exhibition into the Myer windows. I was vilified by animal liberation however birches need ta chill cos an eminent zoologist said it would be sweet. And it was.
Did you get Myers discounts for life after that?
No.
I hope David Jones treats you well. Tell me another one.
I one had to escort a group of sumo wrestlers on ‘the longest foot journey we have ever been on’ because they were too heavy for the road-load (the onsite bus couldn’t take them).
Fave werk story ever?
I had lunch with the Queen once. It was y2k, and a group of us from Ballarat Tourism were invited to dine with her at Sovereign Hill. There was food flying like crazy all over the table because everyone was so nervous we couldn’t eat properly. Steve Moneghetti couldn’t get a fork in his potato.
He always had a forking problem tho. How did you meet your boo?
Well all good things take place at the zoo. He was an education officer at the time, and we had secret rendezvous behind the aldabra tortoise exhibit every day for lunch.
Note: Di says they just ate their sangas together.. but srsly look at her. Ain’t no way that man was just there to talk about his egg and lettuce combo.
ALSO – it’s her bday on 25th of March and to make Di feel spesh, please share The Sprink on Facebook that day and giver her a shout out. HOLLA
*Note: empty glass

The World’s 50 Best Restaurants awards LIVE SITE count down in Fed Square is coming up on 5th April. See all you Sprinks there.

This weekend
Australia Formula One Grand Prix @ Albert Park (23 – 26 March) – a friend of mine used to work at the GPrix. On the final day, his one job was to take the chequered flag from the office to the finish line. On the way there he literally lost it. They ended up using one from the souvenir shop.
Lights by DreamWorks @ Rosebud (25 Mar – 30 April) – It’s Wednesday. You are laying in bed reading The Bronze Horseman for the third time, when Shrek walks into the room. He stares at you with a loving intensity as he unbuckles his belt and slowly drops his brown vest to the floor. He pulls his stained white man-dress over his head and his ears bob softly as he walks towards you in such a masculine way it takes your breath away. ‘Lights out baby’ he says, as he kisses you softly on the nose and turns off the bedside lamp. You feel his huge arms wrap themselves around you and you sigh, relaxing into his embrace.. omg foul what am I doing.
High Country Hops Festival @ Beechworth (25 Mar) – bees get high and hop around to country music while trying to understand their worth.
Wombat Boogie @ Trentham (25-26 Mar) – shake their lil hairy booties all over the dancefloor, get knocked back from Revs, down a souva with extra garlic sauce, and get a taxi home but not via the tolls.
Asia Pop Fest @ Arts Centre (24 Mar) – pop tarts were handed around, and then sodas, followed by pop-rocks. The group of students looked at each other ‘Let’s go out with a bang’. They nodded and turned their iPhone to silent…
Sprout Fest @ Coldstream (26 March) – a celebration of things you can sprout and fester all on your own.
The Hills are Alive @ South Gippo (24 – 26 Mar) – ALIVE.. ALIVE I TELL YOU. RUN.
Yackandandah Folk Festival @ Yackandandah (24-26 March) – ahhh yes, the folk of Yack are dandy dah.
Horsham Country Music Festival @ Horsham (23-26 March) – cowboys strumming, cowgirls humming, piggies snuffing, horses bucking, and something else you can do in the country that rhymes.
Passenger @ Arts Centre (Mar 23 – 26) – basically you get on a bus, and SURPRISE THEATRE.
Women of the World Festival Melbourne @ Footscray Community Arts Centre (23 – 25 March) – Kweens unite and agree we really should all run da world.
The Festival of Women’s Cycling @ around the place (25-26 Mar) – because women aren’t allowed to cycle any other time of year.
Lara Food & Wine Festival @ Lara’s place mate (26 March) – Lara Bingle’s latest and greatest adventure.
Hot Dub Wine Machine @ Yarra Valley (25 Mar) – hawt durb whine mashup bruh get down here it’s epic
Top Arts 2017 @ NGV (24 Mar – 16 July) – literally an exhibition full of art work from people younger than you who are more creative than you. Sozza.
Pets in the Park @ Malvern East (26 March) – pooches in the bushes, pussies in the trees, peeps in on the lawn.


Eat / Drink by The Sprink
WTF why is this in italics?

Serotonin Cafe @ Burnley Station – as these italics baffle me, so too does the fact that I have only recently discovered Serotonin Cafe. I was with my bud Cass who is a vegan to the max (animals for LYF) and I had heard about this magical cafe that only serves organic, vegan, serotonin-raising foods. So, to pretend like I knew what was up, I took her here. The menu was elaborate and that was just for the LATTES – you could get gingerbread ones, choc mint and other flavours that I didn’t pay attention to because I saw on the list COCONUT ESPRESSO BOMB. Which I ordered. And out came a coconut with a straw and a lil coffee shot. Was it going to curdle? How was this nut and this other nut flavour combo going to werk? I don’t know science but ever since I was touched by the lips of a handsome Frenchman once, I have come to know heaven – THIS was the drink-equivalent.
Jesus. H. Cheeses. How can this not be on the menu at every single cafe in the city?
Ok dranks aside, the menu was off its head. Bowls of veggie goodness – big bowls – pancakes made of bananas, waffles made of avocado and Mexicans, doughnuts that are covered in chocolatey YASness but are made from THINGS THAT ARE GOOD FOR YOU.
So yeah, if you’re anything like The Sprink – you will go back to this cafe time and time again cos it is so damn good and you’re the type of person who gets addicted to things – healthy eats, handsome men, Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights, whatever.
Oh and final note – instead of seats or stools THEY HAVE SWINGS.